My No Spin Zone

By Alex Haines


Valentine's day 2009.

This is how mine happened to begin:

Notification of Package Delivery: You have a package (Good condition)
I swipe my card, I sign my name, I open the package. I read a card saying:

"No matter how far away or lonely you are this vday, always know that we love you very much." -Ma & Pa

Mmmm. As you can see so far, I really love this day.

Because last valentine's day ended with me throwing a massive card back into the face of my ex-girlfriend and proceeding to eat inordinate amounts of rocky road ice cream while watching the Charlie Brown Valentine's Day special and the second season of Sex and the City, I came to develop a sarcastic and biting attitude toward the "Hallmark holiday".

Let us fast-forward to this vday (2009) and I trance about the halls, seeing friends and acquaintances doing homework on a Saturday night, dressed in pajamas, ready to hit the hay just before midnight rolls around, hoping to forget a day that leaves most of us frigid. In the plethora of Looney Toons, Charlie Brown, Rocket Power and Disney paper valentines, why is that our childhood even seems to laugh at us in the face of such a bloated and shameless day? Sure, the restaurant, greeting card, carnation and candy economies will receive a nice lift in such desperate times. And yes, it is a time to remember our love for our friends and family and all they give us. The fact millions of us are excluded on such a hetero-normative holiday is an obvious injustice. Check. If all of this is true, then why does this day still just make me want to go towards the Baracrdi and the Martinis and settle for a nice evening with Snoopy and Ms. Bradshaw?

It seems like even my coupled friends couldn't figure things out: after breaking up for two hours early in the morning, my friends get back together, yell at each other more, go out to dinner, have their reservation lost, see others are closed/full, get ice cream for dinner, and just come back sad. It seems like everyone became a victim this time...

So what is the use? Why do we keep hurting ourselves as a society? Is it out of masochism or ignorance... or narcissism? Well, I guess I couldn't figure it out then and I still can't really. Despite the people in pjs doing homework, those passed-out in the lounge, the depressing cartoon-oriented valentines, the drinks, the unsatisfied couples out there, I had a pretty decent vday this time. After worrying about it for most of the day since waking up (4 pm. thank you, thank you), I made a date... and even to my surprise, it went well too.

So... there were not any cards thrown or ice cream consumed or dates with the Peanuts gang or Carrie and gang. Not even a remembrance of past lonely vdays. No cards or flowers or box or chocolates. No Marvin Gaye or Al Green or Barry. Nope. None of it. This time, it was just me and her. Just like it should have been, just like it should be. I'm becoming more of a fan, I suppose...