Vday: Sounds Like the Invasion of Normandy, Doesn't It?

By Spencer Siegel

Oh, it's that time of year again. The scent of fresh flowers as you walk into the grocery store. Fancy chocolates in every store window that you pass on your way to work. Television ads about the cutest couples that reaffirm their love for one another.

And it all sickens me.

Yes, it is Valentine's Day. Vday is horrible regardless of your Facebook relationship status. This Valentine's Day I'm single. Last year I was in a relationship. It was pretty bad both time. This year I felt like Saint Valentine was slapping me in the face and last year I felt like I had to stage a major performance.

So what is Valentine's Day all about then? Some argue that its a festival of love. Other, more cynical, commentators (such as myself) would argue that it is a holiday created by big business to increase sales between Christmas and Easter. But it gets worse, much worse. For perhaps the first time Valentine's Day has been politicized. Yes, the GOP has claimed Vday as theirs (for fundraising purposes of course). For a measly $4,281 a person you can now take your lover on a 10 day cruise with John Ashcroft and Tom Tancredo (I'm not joking, see the picture to the right. Click on it to enlarge). I can see it now: John Ashcroft, the same person who opposed the Equal Rights Amendment and filed a lawsuit against the National Organization of Women, is somehow going to just "wow" your significant other. Maybe he'll even treat you to some gitmo torture. Who knows. But I digress.

Let's discuss some of the impacts Valentine's Day has and why I believe that any rational couple ought to ignore it even exists. Vday trivializes our notions of love and breeds unhealthy relationships. How so? Vday tells us that out of the 365 days of the year your love ought to be measured by your actions on this one particular day. I'm no expert when it comes to relationships (see my ex's on that one) but I'd venture to say that your love ought to be measured by your actions on all of those 365 days. If you're just unable to be spontaneous and go out for dinner on a whim then at least do something special on a day that actual has meaning for you. Like your anniversary, or your birthday (or the day your child was born out of wedlock). Those days actually have meaning in your relationship because they signify something personal and unique. And I might add, if your anniversary is Valentine's Day it just means you are the biggest Vday sucker I've ever met. You could have waited a day to ask her out. And if its your birthday... well then I just feel incredibly bad for you.

That previous paragraph is one reason why I love this blog post and this web site.

But I think there is another problem with Valentine's Day. Nobody really knows what this holiday is about. People know that Christmas has to do with Jesus (I'm Jewish and I know that) and they know that Passover has to do with Moses freeing the slaves from the Egyptians (and if you didn't know that then you learned something new today courtesy of your Jewish friend). So I did some research on Vday to find out:

Circa 270 AD: Emperor Claudius II bans marriages because he needs soldiers and figures that single men can fight better (as it turns out, married men were the ones who wanted to get away).

A third century priest named Valentine didn't really like what was going on. So he started performing illegal marriages (this was wayyy before illegal marriages became all the rage: see San Francisco).

Needless to say, Valentine got thrown in jail. But, as often is the case when incarcerated, our priest met a blind woman and miraculously healed her blindness. Before Valentine was executed he wrote a farewell message to the formerly-blind woman and signed it "from your valentine."

This miracle (that we all know the Vatican 'proved') paved the way to Sainthood. Saint Valentine became the inspiration for horny Roman boys to create a festival where they wrote affectionate greetings to girls they wished to marry (read: enslave). This went on for 1700+ years until St. Hallmark decided they could make a few bucks by folding some paper and writing witty comments that normal guys were too dumb to come up with.

My point is: I don't know if that actually all happened or not. But it's all I could find online. If the Internet doesn't know where Vday came from how am I expected to figure that out? Yeah, I'm not. We celebrate holidays because they have meaning. Vday has no meaning. One website said it was a fertility festival (read: men impregnating women).

Let's just do everyone a favor and stop celebrating a holiday that only stuffs the coffers of Corporate America.